Why Fifty Shades of Grey Should Disturb You

Fifty Shades of Grey catapulted onto the book-selling scene during the Summer of 2012, selling over 65 million copies in 37 countries; setting the record for the fastest selling paperback of all-time beating the Harry Potter series. Its been so successful, so fast there's an adaptation being produced by Hollywood.

I think I understand why I'm so uncomfortable w/ the book. Its not remotely the content because I'm comfortable with people having their kinks. What goes on behind closed doors between consenting adults is, quite frankly, none of my business. I'm uncomfortable w/ the book because each time I think about the main character, Christian Grey, I'm convinced I'm reading about a domestic abuser & his apologist.

What did you just say?

I say again, this is a budding story between a domestic abuser & his apologist.

Christian is a stalker. He knows where Ana lives. He knows where she's was partying. He races to her rescue from across town & arrives at the exact moment she needs to be "saved". He claims he found her utilizing technology available through his shipping firm. But just because you have the technology, doesn't make it cool to it for private use. I may have a Hollywood crush with actress Dina Meyers but just because I can track her movements, doesn't give me the right to randomly show up. How is this not creepy?!

Christian at no point whatsoever does he ever use the word "please". He tells her when to eat, even when she doesn't want to. Tells her what to drink, even when she wants something else. All framed as he knows what's best for her. This is all framed as "improving" her behavior as if her "old" behavior is something that should be ashamed of. He's constantly telling her not to bite her lip because he can't control himself. Let's step back a minute. Is that not the same justification rapists use as to why they rape. "It was her fault. She was wearing a sexy dress & I just couldn't help myself."

Same with the gift giving. He initially starts w/ an over the top, 1st edition early 19th century English novel (I forget which ones specifically). He has her clothes sent out the night she got drunk & of course by the time she comes to the next morning, they've still not been returned. She's been brought by his private helicopter to some far away exotic locale where even if she wanted to leave, she couldn't. Same with him giving her a top-of-line computer to "help" her do research about the infamous sex slave contract. The same with him insisting that she come work for his multimillion dollar shipping company. He even instructs her when she can & cannot contact her friends & family The end result is that he's made her so completely dependent on him that she'd never be able to leave even if she wanted to.

How is this relationship not born out of coercion?

Keep in mind all this is BEFORE Ana agreed to be his little contract love slave. I'm not going to get into anything beyond that because the issue of consent (whether its a wise or otherwise) is a different set of ethical questions that only murkifies the purpose of this blog entry.

Don't even get me started on Christian's origin story. He's the adopted son of a crackwhore & was introduced to the BDSM by a pedophilia female lover. Thank you E.L. James for promoting the stereotype that if you're into BDSM (or have any fetishes for that matter), you're a freak & that there's something "wrong" with you. On top of all this, Ana spends the rest of the book trying to "fix" the guy as if there's something "wrong" with him & even makes apologizing when he crosses her boundaries. Again, how is this not the making of "battered spouse syndrome"?

Am I saying people shouldn't read this? Hell no! Lord knows there's plenty of mindless entertainment fluff out there. The Fast & the Furious series targets the suburbia SUV driving demographic that pines for something more "exciting" in their dreary lives. Same with just about everything written by Tom Clancy targeting the gun-toting, wannabe Medal of Honor video game playing demographic. I'm just concerned that by not looking beneath the surface of what's being written in Fifty Shades & being AWARE of those messages, we as a society are telling women that such behavior is not only acceptable but to be condoned.

If someone were to ask me whether Fifty Shades was worth reading? I'd tell them no. My reasons has nothing to do w/ the content, nor the messages it sends. Its simply a badly written book. The prose makes the Twilight series look like Nobel Prize material (something I never thought I'd hear myself say). The male lead isn't described as anything other than an Adonis. There's even less about the female lead. Beyond knowing she's an English Lit graduate & young & off, on her own for the first time in her adult life, we the readers know basically get zilch about her. At least w/ Twilight's Bella Swann, she has "chocolate" brown eyes & long hair. Same w/ her vampire lover Edward Cullen, he "sparkles" in sunlight. The set descriptions in Fifty Shades are practically no existent. Ana's inner voice, who's also the narrator, is uneven; sometimes she narrates in the first person, sometimes its narrated in the third person. I honestly feel Fifty Shades of Grey is the novel version of the Napoleon Dynamite movie, its literally 400+ pages of drivel.

If we are products of the very media that we consume, I dred knowing today's woman sees a character like Ana or Bella & thinks its something that should be aspired to. Throughout both books I kept thinking, "You're going to let a man define YOUR existence? Girl, stand up for yourself! Stop apologizing for his rotten behavior." Just because a person is a dom doesn't absolve them from being a decent human being.

I once said I was conflicted as to whether I should be happy people are turning off the boob-tube & picking up a novel or whether I should be concerned about the quality of said content. That inner conflict remains. I CAN safely say that if you're looking for mindless entertainment; the kind where your schedule revolves around watching crap like reality TV, this book is up your alley. If you're looking for a quality read looking for either an interesting writing style or compelling characters or a descriptive prose or even a post-read discussion fodder, your time is better spent playing the Xbox or Wii.


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In other news...
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This is one of the pictures from Lauren & David's wedding.

I won't remotely BS you that they have a perfect marriage. But unlike Christian & Ana or Bella & Edward for that matter, their relationship is based on communication & mutual respect. God willing they'll work out the difficulties ALL long-term relationships have.



Feel free to comment on any part of this if you so desire.

Tiny Court System in NYS

After an acquiantance of mine was bitched out in open court because she dared to file a routine appeal, I feel obligated to recall attention to the ongoing problems w/n the small court system here in New York state.

To put in simplistic terms, those presiding (judges) have no requirement to actually have a law degree. Nor is there a requirement for them to know what they're doing. Nor is there a requirement in (at least pretending) to be impartial. Nor is there any real oversight pertaining to how such proceedings are held or conducted.

I would go further but the New York Times did an investigative series & their findings were considerably more detailed. Therefore I'm providing its link below:

http://www.nytimes.com/2006/09/25/nyregion/25courts.html?pagewanted=all


The paper also examined how previous attempts (going as far back as 1926) have all failed for different reasons. That article can be read here:

http://www.nytimes.com/2006/09/27/nyregion/27courts.html?pagewanted=all

This is an issue that effects ALL North Country residents.

Do you really want to be that battered wife (or brother of that wife) & have the judge tell that person, "Every woman needs a good pounding every now and then." Or does it inspire confidence in the system when a judge proclaims, "I just follow my own common sense & the hell with the law."

I think not.


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In other news...
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This is Shiloh, basking in a patch of late afternoon patch of light.



Feel free & comment away on any part of this if you so desire.

Church Forgetting its own Mission

I am deeply discouraged by the Church's role in defeating gay marriage in both California last year, Maine this year, & a last week in the NYS Senate.

Personal opinion #1: I can care less. If a gay or lesbian couple wish to be miserable for the rest of their lives through the bonds of matrimony like any other straight couple, who am I to deny them that wish?

Its hypocritical of the church, an institution that supposedly "seeks justice on this earth", to spend so much time, energy, & money on the very opposite. The last I checked, the New Testament is about loving thy neighbor, helping those that are less fortunate, sticking up for the oppressed, doing that to which you know to be right, saving souls, being honest w/ yourself & your relationship w/ God, healing the sick, etc. Its never about keeping people in bondage, making them be 2nd class citizens in the kingdom of God.

Personal opinion #2: When the church gets seeks change through the political process & betrays its own values, does it not demean its own moral authority?

Considering the scope of the (unfortunately) STILL ongoing pedophilia scandal here in the US as well as recently revealed abuses in Ireland, I'm puzzled why we citizens should take the Church seriously. Why should they dictate how OTHER CONSENTING ADULTS conduct their own business when they cannot control or ignore abuses in theirs. This is not even including the coverups that went on for DECADES.

I guess the message they're still trying to send is that 2 men screwing each other is a no-no but if its one of their one screwing a little boy or girl, its as Martha Stewart would say, "a good thing."

Personal opinion #3: Maybe the tax exempt status of the Churches should be revoked or more scrutinized. Or maybe gay & lesbian couples should get a reduction in their tax burden.

The Fourteenth Amendment gives "equal protection under the law." It broadly defines citizenship & the constitutional rights, particularly due process. Using this argument...if gay & lesbians do not have the same rights as straight folk, why should they be obligated to pay the same amount of taxes or serve on juries or other things like that. Also using that same logic, churches should start paying taxes. Are we the taxpayer not footing the bill from public services like fire & police protection? W/ that same line of reasoning, the gay & lesbian communities are essentially subsidizing their own oppression.

I'm honestly surprised in the NYS Senate debate, nobody framed it in such a way as helping ease the state's budget crisis. They could have had a nice windfall from all the new marriage licenses being issued to the new gay & lesbian couples. But then again, this is the same government body that was in session for the entire month of June because they couldn't act like adults & get a quorum. All the while getting no work done even though there's something like a $2 billion dollar budget deficit that (to this very day still needs to be resolved).

Personal opinion #4: Government at all levels should completely get out of the marriage racket & give everyone "civil unions" for all those who apply & qualify. It doesn't matter if 2 guys want it, 2 girls, & 1 guy & 1 girl. Completely leave the marriage business to religious institutions. Who they choose & deny should have no weight or special benefit w/ man's law.

Maybe I'm just a fallen Catholic who will burn in hell anyway (I'm a "pornographer" after-all who shoots half-naked girls that are wearing more real estate than the girls in the undies section of the JCPenny's catalog) but I can't take their mission seriously when I'm more educated about their own mission & what the messages of the New Testament than they are.

*sigh*

In other news...

This is Samantha & her fiancee, Ryan, in one of their goofy moments that is supposedly "pornographic" (like I'm supposed to be ashamed that is "porn).

For some reason I keep thinking of the song, "Anything You Can Do" from "Annie Get your Gun." The lyrics go, "Anything you can do I can do better!" "No, you can't." "Yes, I can." "No, you can't." "Yes, I can." & so on.



Feel free to opine, critique, whatever. Just be an adult & leave a name when you do.