Thursday, January 14, 2010

Funny Thing Happened on the Way to my Email Account, Vol XI

Back before the idiot Rupert Murdoch ran MySpace into the ground, I was blessed w/ being provided comedic fodder for my ongoing series, "A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to my Email Account." This particular one is in its eleventh edition.

I never thought those many moons ago, it would have expanded to its eleventh edition, but considering there's no dirth of morons on the internet, it SHOULDN'T have surprised me. LOL

For the record, I publicly disclose on my MySpace profile, "I reserve the right to publicly post any &/or all portions of emails sent that I feel fall into the 'retarded' category as well as identify who it came from." If you choose to read 'Note 1' in my profile, I go into further detail in how I define it. I'm not going to waste time here. Its rare that I even use the site anymore but that's because of how crappy their interface has become. Course the Einsteins putting 40 cajillion scrolling slideshows on their profile that use tons of RAM to operate didn't help it either. But that's another story.

As I alluded to earlier, I was blessed w/ partaking in a message string w/ this wonderful breadwinner. At the time, a name of "SEXI PICS COMMENT DUM" is interesting in itself. It also doesn't speak to highly of the American Educational system when the subject heading of the message in question reads, "heyy sexi," but that's another story. :-)

Even though the formula to these kind of messages is about as predictable as a Law & Order episode, I still find it entertaining nonetheless.

Here's how the string of messages went...

- Him: Heyy wat's up...
- Me: Not much. How about you?
- Him: Nuthin just at a resturant u!!!
- Me: Oh, how flattering! What's your entree?
- Him: Wat entrie!!!! Do u got a boyfriend??

This Wonderboy sure gets to the point. LOL

- Me: Why you at the restaurant if you're not eating? Or were you using a double entrendre? No on the BF, BTW.
- Him: I'am at da resturant because I'am meeting some1!!!!
- Me: Mind if I ask who? First name's fine.
- Him: A family member!!! Visiting Philly !!!
- Me: What possessed you to initate contact? I'm nosey.
- Him: Naw it's cool u want 2 know It's kool !!! So do u mind if I ask u a question do u want 2 be B.F!!!!

By that point, I'd lost track of what "BF" stood for.

- Me: My boyfriend or best friend?
- Him: boyfriend
- Me: That kinda depends on if you're into guys.
- Him: No I'am not gay!!! I lyk grls 100%!!!!
- Me: Might want to read up on my profile. Do so & afterwards tell me if you're still interested.
- Him: Ru gay!!!

Which is has nothing to do w/ my profile, so much for trying to tip him off.

- Me: Wrong question to ask. The better question would be, "Do you always go around asking complete strangers to be your boyfriend" or are you a "sex on the first date" kinda guy?
- Him: No I just thought u look pretty I would not have sex wit u on the first date be I don't go around asking people 2 be it boyfriend!!!!

For the record, he's referring to this picture which was my main photo at the time:

Photobucket

I didn't have the heart to tell the schmuck that she's blissfully married to a great guy & has started a family w/ him. Although maybe I should have because that could have made a really funny twist to the "Funny Thing-" formula. But that would have been lying because I'm not the one who's actually married & I'm trying to keep it so that the morons are the ones that walk off the cliff of their own accord, as opposed to me pushing them.

Am I making any sense?

Anyways...

- Me: Strange answer considering your subject message was "heyy sexi". & I didn't ask you to be my boyfriend. I didn't know what your referring to when you used "BF" a couple messages ago, so I asked. You were the one that answered "boyfriend."

Next time it might help to read & view people's profiles before you start flirting w/ them. It might save yourself the embarrassment.

Any last words?

- Him: So u r a writer be I'am guessing u tried 2 write stuff about me u know wat I'am calling da policeon on u!!! Any last words be4 u write something!!!

Apparently, he still hasn't taken my hint to actually READ my profile where it clearly states, "I live for photography. This profile is just another place where I choose to showcase my work." Like I'm also sure the cops will respond to schmuck being embarassed for not using the few brain cells that he actually has.

If that weren't enough, he replies back 10 minutes later:

- Him: I'am srry!!

...not to mention, there was a friend request from him. & yes, he was declined.

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